Do your friends change when you become a parent? The Great Friendship Switch

Do friends change when you become a parent? I would have said no if you asked me a few years ago. However, since becoming a stepmum around 2 years ago, I’ve seen a massive shift in my friendship group.  My old group was a very eclectic group, singles, couples, professionals, arty types. A real mixed bag of people with a varied set of interests but very few children.  And then I became a stepmum.

The Great Friendship Decline

I wouldn’t say my mates ditched me but I think I could draw a pretty impressive graph of their decline over time as I became someone who stayed in lots and talked about children rather too much. In fact I think I will.

Don’t Laugh!  OK, laugh, but I’m not ashamed of my love of all things spreadsheet, the geeks will inherit the earth after all.

Don’t worry this is not an accurate representation of my friendship group I have not sat at home ticking people off on a spreadsheet as they lose contact (honest).  But it’s a good general gist. At first you don’t have a very sharp downtime, the kids are a novelty, people want to meet them and go with you to parks.  And then the decline begins, there are only so many times you can be invited out and say no before people will stop asking.  It’s not their fault, you just stop being part of the regular gang.  And I am under no illusion that I have indeed become a baby bore. I need to remind myself that no one cares what scores my darling little ones got on their spelling tests or that cute thing they said.

The Rise of the Mum Buds

I’m aware I am painting a very depressing story here but something miraculous happened at the same time.  Something which counteracted the great friendship decline and made the world a wonderful place.  The rise of the mummy friends! (Time for another graph don’t you think?)

That’s right!  The very few parent friends I had became a few more and a few more.  These people also had to stay in, in fact they invited us round for sleepovers.  They weren’t bored by my witty spelling test stories in fact they had equally engaging stories about their own little people.  And when their little people and our little people are playing we sometimes sneak a glass of wine and put the world to rights.  The rise of the kid friendly mates has been amazing and it’s not stopping.  Every kids party we go to, every play date we meet more kid friendly buddies.  We are the toast of the toddler town and it’s awesome.

The Golden Friends

It’s not that cut and dried though.  We haven’t just lost our friends and found new ones, we’ve kept some. These pre-kids friends who have transitioned over to kid friendly mates are priceless.  They are the ones awkwardly standing at your childs 4th birthday with no child of their own feeling a little uncomfortable but being there anyway because they are true golden friends (as highlighted by my highly artistic yellow highlighting).

Have a think about your friendship groups, have they changed since you became a parent?  And can you identify your Golden friends?

35 thoughts on “Do your friends change when you become a parent? The Great Friendship Switch”

  1. Our friendship groups have definitely changed! We’ve lost some, gained some, and reconnected with some now that we are all back on similar life paths… that’s life, eh?! #bigpinklink

    1. Its swings and roundabouts isn’t it? I am sad to look back at some of the changes I’ve seen in my friendship group but my new mummy friends have certainly made up for it. My blog has really helped me feel like I’m not alone with the trials and tribulations as well 🙂

  2. I think things do change and especially in the early days, you definitely need some friends around who are going through the same things. I’ve still got my core friends from school who I see fairly regularly and a lot of them don’t have children. Loving your graph action! #BigPinkLink

  3. Great post, Mine have changed for sure! I have gone from having a few close friends to literally none!! Or should I say a few friends that text when they want something or want to go on a night out when their single friends have other plans! They cant understand why I cant go out at the drop of a hat or why I cant text/call back straight away! maybe one day they will.

    #triumphanttales

    1. I’m sure they will and I’m sure you will be there for them. I don’t blame my friends for not understanding my new life but I’m bloody bald I’ve found new mum friends

  4. Some friends we’ve kept but others we’ve lost. We moved just before the Tubblet started school so it’s hard to know what impact that had as well.

  5. Love a good graph!! Our groups have certainly changed but like my Nan always says ‘Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold’! #ablogginggoodtime 🌺

    1. Who doesnt love a good graph? I’m going to make a conscious effort to include more in my future posts. I’ve not heard that saying in an age, it’s so true though. Thanks for reading and commenting

  6. I agree. I have some core, golden friends, as you call them. They will be friends for life and are the kind of friends who I don’t see regularly, but when we do catch up it feels like we see each other every day.
    I have other friends who I have made friends with quite recently – these tend to be mum and nursery friends.
    thanks for your comment. Pen x #brilliantblogposts

  7. Fascinating to see graphically represented like this and yet so true of us all I expect. I know my friendship patterns post kids did this too. As my children have grown up my old pre kids friends are now back on the map but my closest friends are still those with me while our kids were young. #fabfridaypost

  8. Yes and no…But we have also moved out of state and back again, so that has a lot to do with it too. I do have at least 1 “golden friend” who comes to my kid’s birthday parties and hangs out with us at the park even though she has no intentions of having her own kids. 😉 She’s the best! <3

  9. My friends and I all had babies around the same time and pretty young so I really can’t even remember! Now I have mom friends of my school aged kids as well and life is so much less lonely! Thanks for linking up to #globalblogging.

  10. I love how you actually analysed this in a graph! I’m so the same with you. Now, I have more mum friends than my single friends. Not that it’s anyones fault – its just that we don’t seem to have that much in common anymore.

    Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost x

  11. I think you genuinely find out who your true friends are when you become a parent. I can count the genuine ones on one hand and it makes me sad to think of the ones who once were. An interesting post. Thanks so much for linking up to #TriumphantTales, we’d love to have you back next week 🙂

  12. Mine changed rather dramatically, luckily I have found an amazing tribe! My husband also sees his old friends less, but they are golden friends as even though it’s less frequent, when they do meet it’s like nothing has changed! xx #kcacols

  13. Oh my friendship group definitely changed when I became a parent which was hard at first but i’ve now got some seriously wonderful Mummy friends. Love the graph!! Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x

  14. Definitely changed! There were a handful of friends who had children around the same time and I assumed it would bring us closer but quite the opposite – I never see them! I did make a fantastic group of mum friends at the under ones baby group and 4 years later, we’re all very close 🙂

  15. i was the second of my friends to have a child, and yes we dont meet up as often but it doesnt mean we’re not there for eachother! the ones who we lose touch with obviously werent real friends!
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you tomorrow

    1. I’ve felt like this before, particularly after being let down by friends who I thought I could depend on. I’m still staying positive though. For all those moments in which I’ve felt let down my friendships have brought me 10 more great moments 🙂

  16. I didn’t have many friends to begin with, so I’ve nothing to lose and to be honest I’m not bothered that I’ve not made many new mum friends. I’m way too anti-social lol. #kcacols

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